Dr. E.J. Smithson has recently been promoted at CMSU to oversee relations with the university’s highly secretive HeiferDyne Center for Cow Studies. EJ has to incur the wrath of a vicious lack of self-confidence when accepting the challenge to assure everyone remains ignorant of Bull Langford’s USDA/DOD joint funded effort to secretly breed cows that will upset the existing world order under the guise of humanitarianism. Black ops efforts by Langford and his painfully perfect henchman, Dr. Vance Rockwell, quickly force EJ’s life into a tailspin complete with unwanted revelations about his parents’ occult history. He is unwillingly placed in a relationship with social pariah Dr. Nik Jelevic, perpetrator of the infamous Blue Marble Incident, and endures the loss of his girlfriend Ellie, owner of Altona Dells 90’s hip hop themed café Grillz. EJ will ultimately find himself in the middle of a fantastically strange Pagan-Wiccan schism tied to both his family history and the presence of potentially weaponized livestock. A combat trained administrative assistant, PlayStation involved sex blackmail, and unethical bovine research all come together to rain chaos down upon a main character whose weapons of choice include godlike indecisiveness, penetrating desire to avoid conflict, and enduring commitment to the success of Dortmund in his latest FIFA season. World domination via cows. Occult PR and recruiting schemes. A Tribe Called Quiche with some Ice T at Grillz. Cow College proves that university life in a small town is anything but boring.
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Stu currently resides in Mississippi with his family and an overweight cat. He likes soccer, guns, running, and reading. He’s got three tattoos and plans for a fourth. Stu is a fervent supporter of Manchester United.
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